Winter Has Arrived! And I Still Hate Arizona :)

This morning, I woke up to a cold nose.  In the desert, this is a short-lived period of time, so you can imagine my excitement.  Nothing makes me happier than the physical struggle of leaving warm sheets.  Every relationship benefits once that first wave of winter hits and the need to cuddle to keep warm begins.
Unlike Texas, the winters here are dry and crisp.  The cold doesn’t soak in to your skin and linger.  However, it does manage to wreak havoc on the warmth of any house and make sure you are aware it is not warm outside.  I love piling under coats and colorful scarves and brandishing the inevitable pink nose; curling up on the couch with a blanket and drinking anything warm.. and ahhh yes, bring on the bread bowls.

Sadly, our house does not have a fireplace – I’d imagine a good potion of homes in Arizona do not offer this general form of comfort.  But the best part of winter?  Going home.  Looking out the window of the plane and watching the awful brown dirt transform in to trees and grass and lakes and forests.  Even the brown, dry winter grass in Texas is better than the greenest grass in Arizona.  The big pecan trees that tower over streets and golf courses and hug the brown, murky lakes that people still swim in during the summer after seven or eight Coors Lights.Gray skies and a teasing sun.  I’m pretty sure most people have grown tired of hearing me make comparisons of Arizona and Texas – two years and I still talk about Texas if someone will give me the floor. I feel it’s my duty to let people know how shitty and awful this state is.
However, today, the bad mood that generally follows these comparisons are having on affect on me whatsoever.  Know why?  ’Cause FUCK YAH WINTER!

♀

Why I'm a Bitchface

I am tired, grumpy, irritable and unwilling to give in to even a faint smile.  If you're in a bad mood and you live with other people, feelings are going to get hurt.  I actually had a really nice morning.  I went garage sale hunting with my boyfriend's mom and sister and also to a Holiday Shoppe where the local craft ladies sold their creative outlets of knitted Christmas ornaments, crocheted kitchen things I've never heard of and plenty of repressed emotions under layers and layers of cat fabric.

I even purchased a horribly awesome Polka album.  

However, when I came home... there he was; Ricky.
 You all know this person: the one that comes over unannounced, the one that lingers with puppy-dog eyes while you're trying to eat instead of leaving, the one that talks too much, the one that laughs too loud, the one that lets their phone ring to hear the song set as their ringtone, the one that offers commentary during a movie or a video game... you get it.
The problem is, the person you know probably inhabits one, maybe two of these annoying idiosyncrasies.  Not for me, the person I know embodies EVERY SINGLE ONE of these qualities.
Weekends are spent with the shades drawn and every door bolted.
He was asked (not long ago) to please text before he came over and make sure we were home.  This did no good; if he doesn't get an answer, he just comes over anyway.

An Introduction to Bus-People

Seriously with the bus today?  Some days, the bus rides are quiet and smooth.  Other days, the creeps come out of the wood works and wreak havoc against the calm environment of the unfortunate bus-riding working class.  In the past two months of riding the bus, I have discovered that Fridays and Mondays are the worst.
On Mondays, I assume the weirdos are going home to sleep after a long night of doing whatever they do.  And Fridays, well, Friday is Friday employed or unemployed.

So far, I have seen/heard:

• A woman talking to a bag of popcorn (that was apparently had a great sense of humor) with no bra and low cut sleeves so you could see the side of her breasts

• A heroin addict telling me he rode the bus by choice because he was upholding some moral code by not driving with a suspended license

Welcome to my Blog

Okay, so creating a first post is always a bit awkward. I've had AT LEAST 15 blogs and that's no joke. But, I finally feel like I'm ready to settle down and have a blog of my own. One I can stay loyal to and dedicate that necessary TLC.  Mind the fact that the design isn't really one I'd choose if I were given endless options, but it'll do.
Let me tell you a bit about my life.  I'm not happy with it.  I find myself dealing with long bouts of depression and my goals are all askew.  I am in a relationship that doesn't make me happy, I'm unhappy with my body and two years ago, I moved 1700 miles away from the only home I'd ever known (Texas) to a place I hate that's tan and colorless and soulless (Arizona), seriously, people here look, act and are the same.  

My life is total chaos, however, I'm extremely positive and strong-willed and I've never given up on myself.  About two months ago, my car died and I'm now at the mercy of the public transportation system.  THAT was a pretty big blow to my ego, but, I started saving money and working on my debt instead of cowering and feeling sorry for myself.  I am not trash, I never have been and never will be.  I come from a good family with strong morals and incredible ethics and I never once felt unloved.  I am filled with undying love, respect and loyalty for those I care about and those who inspire me.  I am kind and honest and genuine.
I am, though, insecure and constantly question people's loyalty to me as well as their intentions of friendship/relationships in general.  I get very uncomfortable in big crowds and suffer from the most miserable anxiety.