Okay, so creating a first post is always a bit awkward. I've had AT LEAST 15 blogs and that's no joke. But, I finally feel like I'm ready to settle down and have a blog of my own. One I can stay loyal to and dedicate that necessary TLC. Mind the fact that the design isn't really one I'd choose if I were given endless options, but it'll do.
Let me tell you a bit about my life. I'm not happy with it. I find myself dealing with long bouts of depression and my goals are all askew. I am in a relationship that doesn't make me happy, I'm unhappy with my body and two years ago, I moved 1700 miles away from the only home I'd ever known (Texas) to a place I hate that's tan and colorless and soulless (Arizona), seriously, people here look, act and are the same.
Let me tell you a bit about my life. I'm not happy with it. I find myself dealing with long bouts of depression and my goals are all askew. I am in a relationship that doesn't make me happy, I'm unhappy with my body and two years ago, I moved 1700 miles away from the only home I'd ever known (Texas) to a place I hate that's tan and colorless and soulless (Arizona), seriously, people here look, act and are the same.
My life is total chaos, however, I'm extremely positive and strong-willed and I've never given up on myself. About two months ago, my car died and I'm now at the mercy of the public transportation system. THAT was a pretty big blow to my ego, but, I started saving money and working on my debt instead of cowering and feeling sorry for myself. I am not trash, I never have been and never will be. I come from a good family with strong morals and incredible ethics and I never once felt unloved. I am filled with undying love, respect and loyalty for those I care about and those who inspire me. I am kind and honest and genuine.
I am, though, insecure and constantly question people's loyalty to me as well as their intentions of friendship/relationships in general. I get very uncomfortable in big crowds and suffer from the most miserable anxiety.
On my darker side, I am non-confrontation but certainly vengeful (to a more innocent extent). I talk shit about everything and people I do not care for. I bitch about "people these days" but contribute to the great rift between socializing and technology. I also bitch about people doing things that I'm most-likely guilty of. I'm a conspiracy theorist and obviously, I pride myself on my opinions because they're generally from well-thought out (personal) theories and not read somewhere. This makes me, more-or-less, a snob of some sort and I feel mild chit-chat as filler is not worthy of my time. I would never consider myself rude but seemingly cold when I'm uncomfortable around people (which I usually am). This is more a result of being shy but also because my interest are generally not widely accepted by those who socialize. Also, I was raised in a family that rather than hugs (we're a bit awkward with mushy sentiments) we show our affection with sarcasm and loving-insults. As I've gotten older, I realize that most families are not this way and it's likely that my sarcasm is another reason I find social situations awkward and unpleasant. It takes people a while to get to know me, but once they do, they get the sarcasm and genuinely begin to like me and not consider me a bitch.
I am, though, insecure and constantly question people's loyalty to me as well as their intentions of friendship/relationships in general. I get very uncomfortable in big crowds and suffer from the most miserable anxiety.
On my darker side, I am non-confrontation but certainly vengeful (to a more innocent extent). I talk shit about everything and people I do not care for. I bitch about "people these days" but contribute to the great rift between socializing and technology. I also bitch about people doing things that I'm most-likely guilty of. I'm a conspiracy theorist and obviously, I pride myself on my opinions because they're generally from well-thought out (personal) theories and not read somewhere. This makes me, more-or-less, a snob of some sort and I feel mild chit-chat as filler is not worthy of my time. I would never consider myself rude but seemingly cold when I'm uncomfortable around people (which I usually am). This is more a result of being shy but also because my interest are generally not widely accepted by those who socialize. Also, I was raised in a family that rather than hugs (we're a bit awkward with mushy sentiments) we show our affection with sarcasm and loving-insults. As I've gotten older, I realize that most families are not this way and it's likely that my sarcasm is another reason I find social situations awkward and unpleasant. It takes people a while to get to know me, but once they do, they get the sarcasm and genuinely begin to like me and not consider me a bitch.
While this seems like a long, boring biography, it's more a less a way to let you in and realize why you will read some of the things you are going to read. If you have a better understanding of me, it should all make more sense.
That being said, my next post will be very much more interesting.
That being said, my next post will be very much more interesting.
♀
No comments:
Post a Comment