What the Hell Happened?

I just read 128 entries from an old blog and realized, wow... I've really turned to shit with my writing.  I've become careless, boring and even... unemotional.  OH, THE TRAVESTY!
I blame it on my iPhone. Before I had a smart phone, I was left to wander the boredom of my mind with curiosities.  While the curiosities still remain, they're not nearly as invading as they were before.  However, I never thought my writing would suffer like this.
The past two years have been a blur for me really.  Where I used to find colors has been bleached out by the boredom of living in a desert.  Life here is a big, tan nothingness.  The people are boring and rude -- there's nothing to do but drink or go to the movies.  The Mexican food is insulting and there's nothing really remarkable about it.  It's a boring brown suburb, on a big, colorful map.  And I'm right in the center of it.
And amid all of this shit-talk happening right now, I realized that I haven't written anything positive in quite a while.
♀

Welcome to my Blog

Okay, so creating a first post is always a bit awkward. I've had AT LEAST 15 blogs and that's no joke. But, I finally feel like I'm ready to settle down and have a blog of my own. One I can stay loyal to and dedicate that necessary TLC.  Mind the fact that the design isn't really one I'd choose if I were given endless options, but it'll do.
Let me tell you a bit about my life.  I'm not happy with it.  I find myself dealing with long bouts of depression and my goals are all askew.  I am in a relationship that doesn't make me happy, I'm unhappy with my body and two years ago, I moved 1700 miles away from the only home I'd ever known (Texas) to a place I hate that's tan and colorless and soulless (Arizona), seriously, people here look, act and are the same.  

My life is total chaos, however, I'm extremely positive and strong-willed and I've never given up on myself.  About two months ago, my car died and I'm now at the mercy of the public transportation system.  THAT was a pretty big blow to my ego, but, I started saving money and working on my debt instead of cowering and feeling sorry for myself.  I am not trash, I never have been and never will be.  I come from a good family with strong morals and incredible ethics and I never once felt unloved.  I am filled with undying love, respect and loyalty for those I care about and those who inspire me.  I am kind and honest and genuine.
I am, though, insecure and constantly question people's loyalty to me as well as their intentions of friendship/relationships in general.  I get very uncomfortable in big crowds and suffer from the most miserable anxiety.